New Year Quotes

Humorous New Year Quotes, Words & Sayings

Giving a New Year’s Eve toast? Inviting guests for a New Year’s Day party? Made a resolution to scrapbook memories in 2017? Whatever your reason for searching for an amusing quote, you have found them.

Enjoy these New Year-related quotes on making and keeping resolutions, how we as people view the coming of a new year, some interesting insights from the great Mark Twain, and a few about partying.

Amusing New Year Quotes

Some slightly sarcastic, these quotes poke fun at us as people.


  • “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” ~Author Unknown
  • “Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.” ~Author Unknown
  • “It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” ~William Thomas
  • “Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” ~Bill Vaughan
  • “Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” ~Brooks Atkinson
  • “An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” ~Bill Vaughan

On New Year’s Eve Drinking & Partying

Here are some funny quotations to share with a drinking crowd.

  • “The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.” ~P.J. O’Rourke
  • “After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.”~P.J. O’Rourke
  • “Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.” ~Herman “Jackrabbit” Smith-Johannsen
  • “I do think New Year’s resolutions can’t technically be expected to begin on New Year’s Day, don’t you? Since, because it’s an extension of New Year’s Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.” ~Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary


Mark Twain Quotes for a New Year

Mark Twain always had interesting ideas about life, and shared them freely.

  • “Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.” ~Mark Twain
  • “New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.” ~Mark Twain
  • “A new oath holds pretty well; but…when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it.” ~Mark Twain
  • “New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” ~Mark Twain

New Year’s Resolution Quotes

Everyone loves to joke about making and breaking New Year’s Resolutions. Here are great quotes about promises we make to ourselves.

  • “He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.” ~F.M. Knowles
  • “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.” ~Joey Adams
  • “Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” ~Oscar Wilde
  • “Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it’s twice as onerous a duty.” ~John Selden
  • “Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.” ~Jay Leno
  • “New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” ~James Agate
  • “Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.” ~Dave Beard

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